Remembering to Never Forget (2013)
by Dick Quinn
 
They come now with children in tow. They have been coming for 15 consecutive years, having vowed in a Boston hospital room to remember to never forget Matt Stauffer.
 
They come to honor a fallen teammate, friend, brother and son for reasons as numerous as the impact of one special person can be. Their children know of Matt Stauffer only through their parents’ remembrances. What those children will learn will help carry them through life.
 
Matt Stauffer died January 10, 1998 at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute in Boston after fighting a three-year battle with leukemia. Actually Matt did not lose his battle to cancer. His youngest sister Hannah (Class of 2005) noted in a remembrance in the Williams Record that there was no leukemia in Matt’s body when he died. The treatments he received to fight off the leukemia were just too much for his body.
 
Life seems especially cruel when it sends what we think are false signals. While Matt and his Eph soccer teammates had trained diligently on their own for a 1995 preseason trip to Ireland they all saw quite clearly that no one was in better shape than Matt Stauffer.
 
Matt was always the one in best shape.
 
A routine physical at home in Connecticut after the Ireland trip and before start of official preseason practice ended Matt’s run as the fittest player when the leukemia was discovered.
 
Even though Matt did not step on the field in the U.S. with his 1995 Eph team he did manage to rally and will himself out of the hospital to sit on the Eph bench in the freezing cold. He inspired his mates to win the 1995 NCAA Division III Tournament semifinals and finals on Cole Field.


The numbers vary over the years, but there always seem to be 30 or more folks gathering each January to remember and to be replenished by the strength Matt Stauffer possessed. They remember Matt’s outlook on life and his reminder to live life to the fullest by having the courage to make changes. His contemporaries to a person will tell you how much Matt has shaped their lives. In many cases it was Matt who gave them strength they did not know they had.
 
“For the last 15 years I have watched how each of us, his friends and family, have made decisions about how to live their life that they likely otherwise would not have made,” said Geoff Chapin ‘96. “We did this because Matt taught us this, in how he lived and in his speech at Class Day in 1996. He told us that when he got sick, ‘all the reasons he’d had before for not taking risks faded away to regret.’  Remarkable, given how incredible a person he already was. He taught us to take risks, and we’ve all changed our lives in some way for the better, and we consciously do it, often citing Matt as the reason.”
 
A teammate on the field is a wonderful thing – a teammate for life is far better.

“I love this weekend because being with this group of friends is the closest I get to knowing who my brother would have been now, if he'd lived rather than dying young,” said Matt’s oldest sister Emily who attended with her husband Jimmy Keenan and their four children.
 
Matt’s mantra “run for yourself, run for your mates,” is inscribed on the memorial rock near Cole Field House where they gather and where Eph men’s and women’s soccer teams ‘circle up’ before every home game. There is no mention of Matt’s honors and statistics on the plaque, only his words of encouragement.
 
Gathered by the memorial rock on January 12 the group heard Eph head men’s soccer coach, Mike Russo who just completed his 34^th season at Williams, talk about Matt. It is the same spot where on a summer’s day in 1998 the Matt Stauffer memorial tree was planted, adorned with Matt’s home and away #10 soccer jerseys.
 
Matt’s #10 is still the only retired number in Williams men’s soccer history.

The #10 jerseys hang in the Williams team locker room now and Matt’s mantra “run for yourself, run for your mates” surrounds the Williams men’s soccer team still.
 
Russo asked that each 2013 attendee introduce himself. Matt’s teammates, friends and family were clearly struck by the turnout of current Eph players. Paul Burke ’96 commented that he had watched the video of senior Matt Ratajczak speaking at the 2012 NCAA soccer banquet talking about the Eph team. Burke noted that because of Mike Russo and Matt Stauffer they were all part of the Williams soccer family and the current Eph team should not to hesitate to reach out to the soccer alums for help and guidance.
 
Russo pointed out that Ratajczak had won the team’s Matt Stauffer award this season.
 
Senior Than Finan spoke on behalf of his teammates saying,” Matt’s name is not just one we see on the rock before a home game. He is in many of our conversations wherever we are.” 
 
Hannah Stauffer wore #10 for the Eph women’s team, related that she was extremely grateful to hear, “Matt is still more than just the name of some old guy on a plaque.”
“Matt was such an immense force in our young lives that we refuse to let go of anything that can bring us closer to him and his memory,” Hannah added. “We are committed to carrying his spirit forward. I love seeing everyone's kids and realizing that they too have learned about Matt through their parents.  And so my brother's spirit is now in someone else's family in addition to mine.

“Matt’s greatest strength was his sheer determination to be highly successful in all aspects of his life,” stated Russo. “He was genuinely interested in people and in helping those who were less fortunate than he. Matt possessed an infectious kind of spirit that made people want to associate with him.”


“This annual gathering is my favorite weekend of the year,” said former Eph teammate, Michael Cotter ‘96. “The bonds and friendships we formed in college playing together are very strong. As we have all gotten older, it is harder and harder to keep in touch and see everyone. This is the one weekend that is circled on my calendar that is non-negotiable.”
 
After the ceremony Matt’s family, friends, and teammates went out to dinner knowing that they would end up talking, laughing and crying late into the night.
 
They remembered Matt the player, the teammate, the friend, the brother, and gathering in large numbers in Matt’s hospital room in Boston to sing and cheer him on. They talked about the good times and they talked about the tough times that made them never forget Matt.

Geoff Chapin’s fondest memory of Matt was, “Seeing him running around the field after they won the NCAA championship in his honor. Everyone was in disbelief and overwhelmed. He ran at me and jumped on me. I remember feeling so happy for him, for what his team gave him that day, and hoping to hell he’d have many more moments like this.”
 
Chris Smith ’98, now living in Virginia was unable to attend this year’s gathering, but shared via an email that in his 10 plus years of youth soccer coaching every player on all of his teams knows of the Stauffer mantra. “There was even a local boy whom I never met who honored the phrase by making it his senior high school yearbook quote after seeing it on a shirt I had made for one of my players.” 
 
“I remember after Matt passed our teammates gathered together in a circle with our arms around one another in a moment of reflection and silent resolve to be strong,” noted Brian Greenfield ’98. “It was a huddle similar to those before every soccer game we played together. It was another reminder to me of the many analogies between being there for one another on the soccer pitch and in life beyond soccer.”
 
Emily (Stauffer) Keenan recalled, “When Matt died there were approximately 60 people camped out in the hospital: our family of course, but also some 30 Williams soccer alumni and classmates, my coach and many of my teammates from Harvard, and Matt's closest friends from high school. The energy in the hospital those days was quite remarkable. It actually resembled the camaraderie of a locker room before a big game. In many ways I think that was Matt's final gift to us. He stayed long enough for us to all come together, and to forge a bond with one another that would last a lifetime.”
 
This April the 17^th the annual “Race for a Cure” will be held at Williams to benefit cancer research. The race is run in Matt’s memory and was originated by his teammates. Matt ran the race once.
 
Next January the group will return again, remembering never to forget Matt Stauffer.